why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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