party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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