i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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