i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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