I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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