I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
