9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
