lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
