I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
