You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
