Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
