Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
