he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
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In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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