WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
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