It's like a parade of train wrecks.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
And then he peed in my hair
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