she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
