We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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