Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
