please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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