so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
