New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
