dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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