my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
