Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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