dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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