the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm too high and old for this...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
