worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
