actually, I'm a sock model
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
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2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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