so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
