I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
