During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
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I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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