apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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