her facebook's as public as her vagina
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
