we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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