why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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