we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
