i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
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We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
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That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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