I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It's shark week go big or go home
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
