mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
