Clothes are such an inconvenience.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
