glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
