And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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