All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
