We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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