So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
