sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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