Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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