you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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