Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
