i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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