Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize