when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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