I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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