I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
