I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
