I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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