So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
