Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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