so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
