If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize